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Fourth Issue Article of the Month HAPPINESS EVER AFTER The secret to passionate, long lasting relationships is the life's work of Charles and Caroline Muir. The following excerpt is adapted from Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving, a book which details how to put passion back into your love life. The Muirs are teachers of yoga and body therapies, and their approach to sexuality incorporates spirituality as well as an honest affinity for pleasure. Together they run Source School of Yoga and Tantra on Maui, Hawaii. They have appeared on national television as tantric sex experts. These days, not many of us believe in happily-ever-after. Statistics show that well over half the married couples in our culture divorce, and many of those who stick it out do so for reasons other than personal happiness - because it's such a hassle dividing everything, moving, having to start over - not to mention children and the emotional and financial aspects of splitting up. In this practical twenty-first century climate, it's hard to take happily ever after as much more than a metaphor in which 'ever-after' means 'for-a-while.' Theoretically, this definition could allow a person to live happily ever after if he or she lived in consecutively happy-for-a-while relationships. These were fashionable to a degree in the sixties and seventies, but became first questionable and then dangerous in the eighties as the AIDS epidemic was recognized and understood. But it is not just fear of AIDS that is changing contemporary relationships. In our seminars, we meet men and women whose desire for partnership stems from a feeling that there is something important to be gained from a significant relationship. And it seems to be more than a desire to 'settle down.' Couples today are looking for a commitment from each other, but a special kind of commitment - one that contains a spiritual as well as a physical element and emotional and psychological aspects as well as material ones. This may be the start of the 'we' generation, a generation that desires an end to the battle of the sexes and the beginning of a new form of relationship in which partners work together as a team to satisfy needs, uplift one another, and journey together toward personal growth and sexual and spiritual fulfillment. Promises The past few decades made us some promises of sexual sophistication, personal independence, and prosperity. For a large number of men and women today, many of these promises have been fulfilled. We are richer because we know more about ourselves - in fact, we are a culture fascinated with itself. We take care of our bodies, we exercise and eat well, we stop Being so blessed, so evolved, why are we less successful than previous generations in making relationships last? If We're So Smart, How Come We're Not In Love? There's love, and then there's Love. There's passionate love, and then there's love after passion or without passion. The latter has been known, in fact, to be quite cozy and satisfying in many ways; but without passion, may also deteriorate into a pale version of the original - a benign tolerance, and there is the risk that it may die completely or turn into resentment or disrespect, or worse. It is not dispassionate love that we want to discuss. We want to focus on love that is full of passion and heat, love that makes your blood fairly pulse inside you; love that is all the nourishment you need. This is the love that overcomes all obstacles, dissolves time, obsesses you, possesses you, and radiates from you so that people comment on your 'glow,' and are drawn to Love is not necessarily blind, as Shakespeare claimed, but it is surely an altered state. Physicians tell us that biochemically, love shares a lot of the same exhilarating effects that amphetamines produce. We know that the immune system can be strengthened by it; that white blood cells perform better; and that the production of endorphins increases. We feel terrific! So what happens? What causes passion to close its doors after such a promising opening to such good reviews? Part of the answer can be found if we consider passion as a kind of energy that depends on other energy for its survival. When we are in the early passionate stages of a relationship, we expend a lot of time trying to win one another, enchant, impress, and attract one another. We mentioned that passionate love overcomes obstacles. It is the energy required in that In the early stages of a love affair, passionate energy seems self-generating. The newly attracted couple is in a nearly constant state of arousal. They're charged. They're superconductors. And then, usually, the lovemaking falls off - quantitatively, anyway. It's less urgent once you've come to trust your relationship, come to rely on your partner, gotten to be 'familiars.' We want to trust one another and rely on one another - but why must we lose Love? In fact, we don't have to lose anything. What usually happens is that the lessening of lovemaking means a lessening of energy in the relationship. When couples don't make that physical connection as often, the atmosphere changes. Love begins to stagnate and energy is directed elsewhere. Men and women who are passionate about their work, or their art, or their politics, are recognized for the energy they manufacture in order to pursue and maintain and advance the endeavor to which they are devoted. In the same way, men and women who are passionate about their relationship must be committed to manufacturing the energy needed to sustain it. This is especially true in an era that offers so many opportunities and so much personal freedom. Many of us have several passions, and sometimes the amount of energy spent pursuing them exceeds the amount of energy they return. When this happens, we operate with a 'passion deficit.' We have to borrow energy from other sources to compensate. Ultimately, unless we rectify the deficit at its source, we will suffer serious losses. Too often one of these losses is passion. We meet many couples who are simply too busy or too tired to make love. Both work; they have children; they contribute time and energy to their community and to their church. They're concerned about self-improvement, so they devote several hours a week to health and physical fitness. Many have aging parents to look after. The irony is that making love can provide both partners with more energyÉ. The solution we teach in our seminars and workshops is based in part on the tantric 'lifestyle' that was designed centuries ago specifically for householders - that is, couples. The tantric texts are explicit on how the differences between the sexes can be used as a positive force in a partnership, how the proper combination of these differences can produce a near alchemical reaction, an ether in which everything flourishes, in which the garden of your relationship bursts with color and a new life and growth, and you and your beloved thrive. * * * * * * * * For more information on the Muirs and their seminars, go to: http://www.doctorg.com/workshops_seminars.htm. Question of the Month Every month, I choose one question or subject from the many letters that I receive. Recently, I have received several questions concerning Tantra. Exactly what is tantra and how can my partner and I use it to improve our relationship, particularly our sex life? Is it a religion or something that we have to join to get benefits? Tantric writings and influences are thousands of years old and elements can be found in Hinduism, Buddhism and Taoism. Traditionally, rather than referring to a sexual practice, Tantra was about enjoying and feeling God's presence in every moment and becoming enlightened in the process. It is inherently sex positive but few practitioners ever passed the tests and rituals necessary before obtaining the "sex magic" information. In American culture, we tend to want all things to be here and now fast. People want to take the sexual information and material out of context and apply it like a magic lotion to transform their love making. However, Tantra is about a lot more than just sexual tricks or techniques. It is about the honoring of the male and female in ourselves as well in as in our partners. It is about a deep and nourishing spiritual and emotional connection with God as we know him or her and with our partner, with the love act being the ultimate meditation. There is a lot that Westerners can learn from Tantra. A more peaceful way of being, harmony with the earth and others, and connection with your beloved and the Devine, are just the beginning. For more information about Tantra and classes where you can learn about the tantric practice, please go to: http://www.doctorg.com/workshops_seminars.htm Video Review of the Month Review of by Dr. Gary Schubach Ancient Secrets Of Sexual Ecstasy for Modern Lovers is an explicit instructional video in which the foremost teachers of sexual enhancement practices of the East share the secrets revealed in their best-selling books. It features Margo Anand (author, The Art of Sexual Ecstacy), Charles & Carolyn Muir (authors, Tantra, the Art of Conscious Loving), Nik Douglas & Penny Singer (authors, Sexual Secrets), David and Ellen Ramsdale (authors, Sexual Energy Ecstacy), Lori Grace (Celebrations of Love), Robert Frey and Dr. Joan Nelson. Ancient Secrets Of Sexual Ecstasy for Modern Lovers is beautifully filmed with high production values. Unlike most previous videos about the practice of Tantra, it is entertaining as well as informational, which is difficult for media which is attempting to educate. The essence of beauty in the portrayal of human sensuality involves the staging of scenes that are in a way similar to dance numbers, which are about the movement of bodies in space and time and the impressions that are created in the viewer's mind. In that way, Ancient Secrets Of Sexual Ecstasy for Modern Lovers moves and flows like a dance, in coordination and harmony with the Tantric spirit and the music. The narration and the breaks for interviews and to give information are smooth and fluid and not al all abrupt or disturbing to the energy of the piece. The use of graphics, particularly the explanation of the Masters and Johnson Human Response Cycle and the differences between that model and the Tantric model are very effective in communicating the essences and differences in both views of human sensuality. Also, the demonstration by Lori Grace on breath and control of sexual energy is very effective and should be seen by all women. What I probably like the most about Ancient Secrets Of Sexual Ecstasy for Modern Lovers is the fact that, if someone knows nothing about Tantra and views this video in Iowa, Kansas or even on Mars, they can understand what Tantra is about. The essence ofTantra is explained very simply and very beautifully, in a way where viewers can receive simple, yet practical tools to enhance their sexuality and relationship. Product of the Month An explicit instructional video in which the foremost teachers of sexual enhancement practices of the East share the secrets revealed in their best-selling books; featuring Margo Anand (author, The Art of Sexual Ecstacy), Charles & Carolyn Muir (authors, Tantra, the Art of Conscious Loving), Nik Douglas & Penny Singer (authors, Sexual Secrets), David and Ellen Ramsdale (authors, Sexual Energy Ecstacy), Lori Grace (Celebrations of Love), Robert Frey and Dr. Joan Nelson. The techniques are demonstrated by five attractive couples who have mastered and now teach Tantric and Taoist sexual enhancement skills. Topics covered include extending and expanding sexual orgasm, freeing the female orgasm, yogic ejaculatory control, using breath to build and control sexual energy, full body and valley orgasm, awakening the Saspandana (female G-spot), the ancient techniques of Imsak, Kabbazah, and Karezza, the use of ritual in lovemaking, and the ancient Tantric philosophy of Sacred Sexual relationship.
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