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Eighth Issue 1. Article of the Month - "What Girls Are Gushing About" What Girls Are Gushing About. . . Men and boys long have enjoyed ejaculation as their exclusive domain. Popularly considered a bastion of male sexual expression (indeed, a benchmark of masculine sexual fulfillment, the visual exclamation point for "successful" coupling, and an expression of fraternal competitiveness a la the circle jerk), ejaculation has been the symbolic differentiation between those of us who are done to, and those of us who do. But now women are telling stories of their own ejaculatory experiences. In fact, they're positively crowing about it, and rightly so. For years we have been complicit in denying our ability to experience the many forms of orgasm available to us. We have a long history of being told we needn't worry our pretty little heads about things like sex. We'd be told what we needed to know. It's Not Just for Boys Anymore! And 'told' we were! The Victorians pronounced that women were innately uninterested in sex, an unfortunate legacy that still influences our attitudes and behaviors. Freud upended that theory, but proclaimed the clitoral orgasm 'immature.' The sexual revolution of the Sixties won us permission to have more sex, but not necessarily better sex. In the last decade or so, there has been much learned about female orgasm, including ejaculation. Is this a sexual entitlement about which women are just now talking, or is it another hurdle in the sexual Olympics? Now must we grade our sexual performance with wet answers to the weighty question, "Was it good for you?" Can't we just relax and have a good time? Must we be always striving to do it right? And who's right, anyway? Or... Have those few women who fiercely claimed their full sexuality, regardless of whether or not they were messy and wet, discovered a sexual secret that could benefit scores of us? Many women, research suggests, sometimes feel the urge to urinate just as they are reaching orgasm, and instantly react by clamping down the PC muscles and forcing the liquid back into the bladder (the female counterpart of men's retrograde ejaculation). This accomplished, they continue the experience of orgasm, with little loss of sensation. Sex completed, they rush to the bathroom to empty their very full bladders. But those of us who do not hold back, who lean into the feeling and push against the delicious pressure, know the ecstasy of forcing that sexy fluid out into the world, of holding nothing back, of being big, and expansive, hot and wet, demanding to be noticed, insisting on being heard. These orgasms shriek independence and pleasure and carnal knowledge. Our husbands and boyfriends have long understood the focal significance of ejaculation. Now we learn that some of us have that power, too...heady stuff, this. We've actually known about the G spot, named for Ernst Grafenberg, a German gynecologist and sex researcher, since the 1940s, but this information was largely ignored. In the early 1980s, another team of sexologists, Alice Kahn Ladas, Beverly Whipple, and John D. Perry, published The G Spot, explaining the anatomy and physiology of the G Spot and how it produces fluid during orgasm in some women. We know that the size of the paraurethral glands (the G spot) varies greatly among individuals, as does the tone of the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle. It is when women with sufficiently large glands and well-toned PC muscles become highly aroused that the phenomenon of female ejaculation can be expected. And it is for these women that this information is so welcome. As we have been reclaiming our sexual privileges, many of us have come to anticipate that rush of fluid that marks particularly powerful orgasms. Now that we understand that we are not 'misbehaving' (How quick we are to accept such censure.), we are free to embrace the thrill of our bodies' completion of this particular orgasmic script. Make no mistake about it: this orgasm is different from the others we experience. It is not like the fast hot vibrator-induced quickies that mark the beginning (or end) of our days, nor like the long, hardwon climaxes when cunnilingus is done just right and long enough ("Ohmigod, whatever you do, don't change anything now"), nor like the slow, delicious, sensuous climbing of a long evening with nothing to do but our lover. We each own an individual sexual script, and female ejaculation is just one more treat to add to the wondrous menu of sexual delights available. This is all relatively new information. It is only in recent years that women have been talking about ejaculation, and indeed it is from within the lesbian community, where sensitive fingers have probed and encouraged unbridled sexual release, that the 'secret' has been shared among women. Dr. Perry still lectures about the phenomenon, as does Beverly Whipple, and Dr. Gary Schubach has recently produced research that proves we are not 'peeing' on our partners, but releasing a clear, odorless, and colorless liquid saturated with the chemicals of arousal and strikingly similar in makeup to males' prostatic fluid. It has shared sources, in that some of it is released from the paraurethral glands, some from the bladder (in a chemically altered form of urine), and some from the Bartholin's and Skeene's glands that routinely produce vaginal lubrication. Doctors Schubach and Perry have each done independent research determining that the fluid is not urine, and there are still unsolved questions about just what it actually is. A hormone called aldosterone is produced when we are flushed with endorphins, as happens during sexual arousal. This hormone sets in motion a series of chemical changes in the body, one of which is a significant increase in fluid saturating the genital area, a sensation known as 'vasocongestion.' Simply put, some of us fill up and spill over (a tip of the hat to singer/songwriter Chris Williamson). And it feels divine! Others don't experience this, and there need be no pressure to meet some other-imposed standard. The point is to enjoy our sexual diversity and abilities in whichever forms they appear. If we're having fun having sex, we're doing it right. Not all women have the anatomical structure necessary to produce a substantial amount of liquid, and they by no means suffer. But how does a girl know if she can ejaculate? How is this accomplished, anyway? It's actually fairly simple. The hopeful ejaculator lies on her back, her lover sitting between her legs (Let's make the lover male so we can differentiate the players. In fact, let's call them Dick and Jane, just to put a new spin on an old tale). Proceed to do whatever turns you on. During your lovemaking, ask Dick to put one or two fingers into your vagina and stroke and rub the upper surface, which will be slick and wet and may swell with your arousal. It will feel good. Tell Dick how to touch you and direct him to just the right places. Experiment with different pressures and rhythms. When you discover something that feels delightful, ask Dick to continue the action. Can he feel that spot swelling even more? It might feel like a bunch of miniature grapes, or a bag of tiny marbles. Can you feel yourself wanting to push into his fingers? Do so. That familiar feeling of impending orgasm may well follow this phase. Go with it. Let yourself feel as good as you can. Hold nothing back. Push into it. Allow yourself to explode into the feeling. If it feels like you are beginning to pee, push past it, for this very feeling precedes the release of the fluid. Continue to ride the sensations, and you may very well feel the warm and powerful gush of liquid pushing against your lover's hand. Surrender to these urges, these sensations. Allow your body to behave in whatever way it wants. You may very well experience your first ejaculation. If not, you will still have had a memorable sexual experience. Some women report that ejaculation happens easily during fisting. Perhaps the extra containment and the determined stroking aid in the process. In any case, if you enjoy being fisted, do not be surprised if this triggers an ejaculation. And don't forget to be prepared. There can be a lot of liquid, from a teaspoon or two up to almost a litre, giving new meaning to 'sleeping in the wet spot'. Flannel-backed sheeting sold in baby supply stores can save your mattress and keep everyone more comfortable. Of course, it means more laundry, a small price to pay for such extravagant sexual excitement. It really doesn't matter if you ejaculate or if you don't. Sex is supposed to be fun. It's important that we enjoy our bodies and the delight they can bring us. If that includes ejaculation, celebrate it. We no longer must fear the embarrassment or shame that we will pee on our lovers (some body fluids are good and others not? How silly!) Ejaculators can now proudly come out of yet another sexual closet and rejoice in this unique and yet so universal experience. No, it's not just for boys anymore! Dr. Pega Ren is a clinical sexologist with a private practice in Vancouver, BC. As well, she teaches in the Women's Studies and Continuing Education departments at Simon Fraser University and writes for a number of dot com sites. She can be reached at sexdoc@telus.net. Every month, I choose one question or subject from the many letters that I receive. Question: Dear Dr. G, My wife has never really been into "porno" movies. But she is no "prude" either (former nude dancer) and nudity does not bother her at all. I have my own collection of the "typical made for a male" movies, that I watch on occasion and she wanders in and out of the room but doesn't really pay attention for more than a few minutes at a time. This reaction has really caused me not to watch very many hard core movies, and mostly we just watch each other <grins>. Now yesterday I asked her if she wanted to watch a porno, and she said if you have one with a decent plot. I dug into my collection and found 1001 Erotic Nights. From my memory this was a pretty good movie. We put it in, and wow. She watched the entire thing, and actually complemented the movie saying "It was the best porno she had seen, and wished there were more like it" So here I am looking for more like it. I have awoken a sleeping dragon. She wants me to buy more. Anyway, my question is one of advise. I found your site today, and looked at the listing you have, but can you answer a question for me. My wife enjoys seeing the hard core action as long as the story is good, the acting is not real stupid, and the music is cool. What movies should I purchase? Can you give me a clue as to a few movies that should be at the top of my list? Like maybe a top 5? Looks like we are going to have an interesting movie night lined up each week. Many Thanks in Advance, Answer: Thank you for your question. Classic Adult Films - are my recommendations for the best adult films for serious adult movie connoisseurs. You can purchase most of those films through that page. Also, we are now offering over 150 top adult films and DVDs through our new adult store. Also, I would recommend that you purchase one or more of the videotapes that we sell on how to create more closeness and intimacy and enhance your sexual relationship. Specifically, I would recommend The Lover's Guide: Advanced Sexual Techniques, The Lover's Guide to Sexual Ecstasy, or Ancient Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy. - Doctor G (1997, Director: Michael Ninn; Producer: Jane Hamilton; VCA Platinum Plus) by Fade to Blue is another adult masterpiece by director Michael Ninn and producer Jane Hamilton. As I discussed in my article, A Critic's Guide to Adult Film, in most adult videos the sex scenes are what are important, and the plot is generally filler between the sexual "numbers." Enlightened filmmakers like Michael Ninn and Jane Hamilton understand this, and Fade to Blue is a perfect example of how to make a riveting and sensual film with seven unique sexual "numbers" and a bare minimum plot designed to segue between the "numbers." Julie Ashton is clearly one of today's top porn stars. She communicates a friendly, soft innocence which gives her a girl-next-door appeal. We are then set up for a series of delightful surprises as we discover the range of her sexual talents especially in the girl-girl scene with Amber Lynn and the double penetration number. Julie is beautifully showcased in three of the numbers and appears in the background of the other four as the narrator that holds the scenes together. All seven sequences are brilliant. They are lavishly photographed with unique and interesting camera angles. Effective use is made of slow motion, fade-ins and fade-outs, and other cinematic techniques usually reserved for the finest in Hollywood mainstream productions. The desert setting, similar to that used in parts of Ninn's earlier films, Sex I and Sex II, provides an interesting backdrop for sensuality. While some of the indoor scenes appear to have been shot on sound stage, those that were shot outdoors added an unusual beauty to the sexuality. Ninn makes effective use of a dry lakebed for some of these scenes. The great expanse of the outdoors allows for the placement of cameras at longer ranges with telephoto lenses providing an almost surreal quality. A good example of this is the sequence with Asia Carrera in a bridal gown having sex with her groom on a grand piano in the middle of the desert lakebed while Julie Ashton masturbates in the background. Ninn's musical score is well suited to each of his seven moments of visual sensual delight. The music enhances and blends with the visuals without overwhelming them. The story line, although brief, has an enchanting, lyrical quality to it and I found myself rewinding the tape to listen to parts of the narrative again. I could go on and on about the originality of each of the seven sequences but what appears to be happening is that we are returning to the days of magnificently produced "loops" as a sort of an adult version of the type of production numbers we see on MTV. This technique is tremendously successful and high quality productions like Fade to Blue cannot help but appeal to a female audience as well as to men. These techniques provide the kind of beautiful imagery that is much more likely to be erotic to women than the standard porn fare. I tested this theory while visiting an adult resort and my suspicions were immediately confirmed when the establishment let me know how much positive feedback they had received about Fade to Blue. In any case, VCA, Michael Ninn and Jane Hamilton are to be again applauded for their originality, sensuality, and commitment to quality adult filmmaking. To purchase Fade to Blue please follow this link. MALE MULTIPLE ORGASM JUST RELEASED: FOURTH EDITION This audio seminar gives the very latest information on how men can obtain full-bodied, non-ejaculatory, long-term orgasm. The CD teaches men how to reach this stage in solo sex. Once the key is turned, the man can then teach his partner how to turn that key over and over again for unlimited pleasure. Now You Can ... Enjoy unlimited orgasms without any squeeze technique, muscle tensing, or 'last minute' holding back.
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