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SEXUAL
COMMUNICATION FOR A NEW MILLENNIUM |
Remember back to when you were a teenager or even younger and first starting to discover what sex was really like. We'd learned about sex from books, magazines, and peer talk and we couldn't wait to start actually getting in on it. Some of my best sexual memories are making out. Do you remember the kissing, the groping, the wrestling around, the prolonged excitement? There were the bra clasps from hell and the zippers and panty hose and trying to figure out how to make out in a car. We had a great advantage then in creating sexual fun. Besides being young and filled up with hormones, we knew we didn't know much. We were students. Every date a new adventure, a new discovery. Now we're older and know a lot more. We've had our share of experiences, relationships, and experiments. We've read lots of books and all the articles and still probably talk to our friends about sex. But guess what? We're still students. In spite of all we've done and enjoyed and repeated and refined, we haven't gone around the sexual world yet. Not by a long shot. The joy and excitement of sexual discovery is still there beckoning to us. It's just over that hill waving and shouting like crazy, "Over here! Over here!"
To get from here to there, all we need is good sexual communication with our partners. But if you're like me, you never got a chance to take Sexual Communication 101. What to do? The best way to learn about sex is through play. That's really what we were doing as adolescents and it's not too late to get back into the game. Play comes easily and naturally to the young. When we get older, sometimes it helps to have some stimulation to our sexual creative impulses. A format of sex games is the natural remedy. This is how I got the inspiration to write my book on sex games. Once, long ago, I was sitting with a group of friends and they wanted to play this game. One of the people was my lover, Norma. The purpose of the game was to figure out the game. I was it, the one person who didn't known what the game was. Every time you asked a question about the game, the person you asked had to respond by pretending to be the person on their left. I had started to figure out the game but rather than let on that I understood it, I began asking questions about sexual fantasies and desires. When I asked Norma about being sexual with a woman she started to get visibly excited and turned on. The person on her left was a man so she had to pretend to respond as he would and she really got into the role. This was fun and I was getting some interesting information I didn't have before about Norma and her kinky desires.
Norma had a lot of untapped potential as a lover. I remember once, she asked me, "Let's do something we've never done before?" I didn't know what to say in response. Sadly, we never got to those virgin areas of sexual exploration. Later in life, I reflected back on missed opportunities with Norma and with so many other lovers I had had. When I would explore one area of my sexual life with one lover, I would regret not having known what I really desired and what was possible to do with other former lovers. I just didn't know an easy or graceful way to get into conversation about sexual exploration. Thinking back on my great time with Norma and the game which became an unexpected sexual game, I thought, just improvise on that experience and make up some games to explore sex with. You never know what you're capable of sexually and what a great partner in sexual adventure your current lover may turn out to be.
Dr. Walter Shelburne holds a Ph.D. in Philosophy from the University of Florida. He works as a professional channel, philosophical counselor, author, and publisher. In 1993 he published For Play: 150 Sex Games for Couples. Walter has just completed A Thinking Person's Guide to Sex and Love. He is devoted to personal and spiritual growth and the application of philosophical understanding to everyday concerns.
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